People who are closely aligned with the Freedomain Radio community believe in something called the “True Self.”

Although FDRers are usually horrible at defining what terms mean, they usually will tell you something like,

“The true self is the you that is curious, empathetic, spontaneous, and [INSERT DESIRED CHARACTER TRAIT HERE].”

They believe that buried somewhere in the depths of your mind lies a pure-hearted child-like identity that has been unaffected by the happenings of life and has a very specific disposition. Of course, its not real and there is no “True Self.” It is a totally nonsensical idea that has no empirical foundation.

However, that does not stop them from behaving as though it is very real. The “True Self” disposition is the standard against which everyone’s righteousness is measured. Presumably the more time you spend on “self work” (i.e. therapy), the more “self knowledge” you gain, and the closer you get towards your “True Self”.

Generally, the more empathetic, curious, and spontaneous you are the more righteous and wise you are perceived to be in the community. Your credibility and status rise accordingly.

There is nothing necessarily wrong with being empathetic, curious, or spontaneous. The problem is that everyone is not intrinsically empathetic, curious, or spontaneous. Some people are conscientious rather than spontaneous. Some people do not really care much about the feelings of other people or only care about their feelings in a limited contextual way. Still others are relatively closed to new experiences and are not really curious about much at all. Any of these differences from the supposed “True Self” character traits are held in suspicion as being indicative of a lack of “self knowledge”.

So I think this is their basic model:

“Self Work” leads to “Self Knowledge” leads to “Becoming Who You Are”

(Or achieving the “True Self” state of being)

Again, you already are who you are. There is no untainted childlike essence floating around in the ether. “Self knowledge”, as hypothetical psychoanalytic explanations, is not a real field of knowledge and “self work” basically means introspection – something most people do anyway. I guess everyone is doing it wrong.

Given that one’s personal similarity to the agreed upon nature of everyone’s “True Self” is the basis for your status and perceived righteousness in the community, people who may lack those traits begin to fake them. People who do not actually feel curious are compelled to pretend to be curious, “Tell me more?” and “How do you feel about that?” People who actually are not very empathetic, pretend to care more than they actually do about the feelings of others. To do otherwise would be to face disapproval and near moral outrage. I believe this is a huge source of neurosis and bizarre conflict in the FDR community.

People who are actually rather conservative, feel compelled to try things they do not want to or begin to call into question their patterns of behavior that they find comfortable and fulfilling. Its no longer just, “I enjoy playing video games and staying home.” now its, “I am afraid of rejection because of childhood experience X, so I seek to spend time alone or perhaps [INSERT LITERALLY ANY OTHER PSYCHOANALYTIC EXPLANATION HERE].”

Basically, FDR members begin faking feelings that they may not have - primarily empathy and curiosity. This sentimental behavior norm was set by Stef - who may or may not actually be an empathetic curious person - but, like a personality cult, the tone set by the leader and the inner circle rapidly becomes powerfully normative within the group - taking on what basically amounts to moral force.

TLDR: A quasi mystical and totally unfounded idea, the “True Self”, being defined by primarily curiosity and empathy were deemed to be superior. These two qualities, along with whatever inter-subjective norms arise (Cloud Cult is the new Rachmaninoff), become the standards against which all people in the community are measured. People who fail to meet those standards, due to what are possibly innate variations in personality, are held in suspicion as avoiding “self knowledge.”

evulcapitulist:

Because if it happens to whitey, it’s okay.

Peruse the stats and information at the Voice for Men Facts page before reading this.

http://www.avoiceformen.com/mission-and-values/about/

Warren Farrel’s Myth of Male Power is also crucial for understanding this post.

In elementary school I was convinced that I, and some of my other friends, were singled out by teachers for harassment and punishments of various sorts. Everything from not having my shoes properly tied to muttering a “hell” or a “damn” at recess found me some punitive reaction from a teacher. Early on, I realized girls weren’t punished nearly as often or with the same degree of severity for any of their offending actions.

Later, in high school I wondered why only the guys were attempting to be “deep” about things. Of course in retrospect I realize now that our ruminations were mostly vapid and incorrect – but I think it laid the foundation for later intellectual growth. I remember philosophic conversations about human nature, free will, and altruism as early at 6-7^th grade and political conversations with my brother began slightly earlier. Not only did I not see any of this coming from the girls – the girls were much more complacent than the boys. An observation I found rather frustrating.

They didn’t seem to mind that we were stuck in a horrible situation full of pretentious asshole who told us what to do for seven hours a day. No cynicism, no visible cognitive dissonance – it made me suspect about the fundamental differences between men and women. A question that no one really had an answer for – save bankrupt explanations that, “Men are smarter than women” - something I was, I think, prone to believe due my low opinion of the women in my family.

In college I saw the Penn and Teller: Bullshit episode about circumcision. My parents actually laughed at me when I brought it up. Others ignored me. Most men who bring it up are laughed at, ignored, immediately reminded that its not as bad as female clitoris removal, or told by other men, “MY CIRCUMCISZED PENIS ISN’T A PROBLEM! LOL” This experience filled me with a new level of intensely violent misanthropic rage directed at, not only my parents, but at humanity in general.

Then between 2005 and 2008 - I watched my brother spend $100,000 ~ on his wife’s medical bills, tuition payments, and several international trips (one being a honeymoon – the other an international relocation) – only for her to start cheating on him and then divorce him, literally, 3 months after he lost his high paying job. She still got to keep some of the furniture.

I watched my own girl friend, of four and a half years, unilaterally decide our relationship was over - only to go eloping with other Libertarians she met on YouTube – a world I had introduced her to. I started to wonder, “Why isn’t that an option for me?” I was living with my grandmother at the time – working to save money for us to come to China – and I knew that my living arrangement, low economic status, and move plans were going to be a big obstacle to getting intimate with anyone for a long time (it’s been 30 months now).

I had questions.

I wanted to know what exactly was making our experiences so different. How could a 22 year old girl extract $100,000 in health care and tuition – only to disappear a short while later. How could that be allowed?

Why did my ex have a thousand options at her finger tips for potential romantic partners – pre-packaged with the ideology she had absorbed from me – while I had, literally, zero. She needed only choose a new partner from a sea of interest parties – I on the other hand, would need to fight to build a new life before I would have any similar capacity. As it turns out, not meeting other girls in four years of college because you’re spending every weekend holed up drinking wine and cooking dinner with your girlfriend isn’t a great idea.

I actually labored under the delusion when I was in college, “Well, I’m young and handsome – girls my age should want me, right?”

Why did it seem necessary for me to seek my fortune and independence abroad? While, my ex and many girls could just wait around, maybe working a mid-tier job or taking out more student loans, for the next guy to show up and offer to subsidize them and their irresponsible life decisions.

I realized, pretty quickly, living with my grandmother working multiple low-end retail and food service jobs was a “reproductive dead-end” - the kind you described in one of your earlier posts.

It was becoming obvious that men and women had radically different incentives – which was resulting in radically different priorities and behaviors. I would like to point out that my ex was worried I would get to China and, “Work all the time and only care about making money.” It should be noted that she broke up with me while I was in transition, living with my grandmother – no longer living independently in a newly refurnished 1200 square meter hardwood floor townhouse.

It turned out that this huge issue was a politically incorrect subject that, even now on Facebook and in other forums - people generally won’t talk about it – Libertarians included . The general opinion seems to be that a discussion about gender is some kind of misogynistic hate speech.

I needed a framework to account for all of this. Gender was a huge confusing blur until I ran into MRM/PUA writings on gender. Its no secret that, historically, men have expressed a great deal of frustration at the task of understanding women. I think, I and others, are finally beginning to crack the code – and its infuriating people who would rather that door remain unopened or, who, perhaps have a sentimental precommitment to a truth that doesn’t correspond to what actually lurks behind our metaphorical door.

Eventually, I realized that marriage is not horrible – but what has been done to it by interest groups in the US (feminists & family law) has made it a disgusting arrangement that serves only to give women the flexibility to indulge their latent desire for rotating polyandry while making sure than some Beta male dupe gets to pick up the check (child support/alimony) – long after she’s divorced him. Then I found out that, not only do women initiate the vast majority of divorces (relevant to understanding my brother’s divorce and to some extent my breakup) - they also get to keep children something like 84% of the time and then proceed to deny their husbands access to the children.

It’s been an important about-face for me – as it has helped me realize that I don’t hate all social institutions. It has lead to me towards a great understanding that a lot of what people do – like marriage – has a justification in some material fact of biology or history.

Meanwhile, we’re told that as a group women are relatively powerless, oppressed, and discriminated against. They wail about ‘slut-shaming’ and continue to rail on about ”(white) male privilege” and the masses, including Libertarians, retain their pro-female support bias so strongly that even circumcision isn’t enough to establish that men, generally, have worse childhoods than women – despite the supporting studies on teacher discrimination and adolescent suicide rates – sometimes the very same people convinced of the formative role of child abuse. After all, Moms and Dads don’t encourage their daughters to explore math and science – and they can be passive aggressive and often emotionally unavailable – so that causes brain damage or something.

So yeah, its irritating to me that the whole narrative is so fucked up – what’s worse is that very few people seem to be aware that there even is a narrative on the issue. Much is taken for granted and left outside the realm of examination.

I’m sure I don’t have the complete picture, but I’m pretty sure nearly everything about the general consensus is totally bankrupt. I sometimes wonder if there are some latent biological impulses to prevent knowledge or examination of these things. As if the entire sphere of gender, sex, and relationship dynamics remains necessarily shrouded in non-cognitive sentimentality and impulse for the vast majority.

I can’t pretend its an entirely intellectual issue for me – but what issue is? I can say that I am feeling a lot calmer and relaxed about women and future relationship prospects as a result of shifting my paradigm. I’m trying to accept women as a group for who and what they are – rather than raging against a masculine caricature of what a faulty paradigm has informed me women “ought” be in order to qualify for relationship material. 

Gender Roles & Rethinking Romantic Relationship

Some Premises: 

1) I do not accept that men and women are fundamentally the same – either in, obviously, physiology or in their manners of cognition.

2) I do not accept that men and woman have the same economic or social incentives. 

3) I do accept that men and women have distinct, but not necessarily equal, assets and liabilities.

For most of the time after my break up I struggled with one huge question in regards to future romantic relationships - “How can I have a “healthy relationship” © ™ ® with a girl who isn’t my intellectual and emotional peer?”

Having a generally high opinion of myself - I fumed over this problem. The following list includes some, but not all, of my general concerns:

If she doesn’t deal with her parents honestly, how can I expect her to be a ‘good’ parent?

If she’s economically or financially illiterate, how can we make good life decisions as a couple?

• We should buy a house!”
• We should move to the US.”

If she’s deferential to her parents, how can I expect her to put our relationship/family first?

• My parents could really use $1000…”
• My parents are going to stay with us for a few weeks.”
• My parents don’t like your ideas about education.”

If she’s emotionally immature, won’t I feel like I’m “parenting” or “disciplining” her every time we have a fight – given my general calmness?

◦ How does that make for a relationship of equals?

Given how idiosyncratic I am – and how far outside the mainstream most of my lifestyle guiding paradigms are – it’s unreasonable to expect to find a girl who comes ‘pre-packaged’ ready to fit like a cog into the complex machinery that is Ma Wei’s Libertarian life in China.

Yet, despite being a totally ridiculous pipe dream, I maintained it. I maintained it for a couple of reasons:

I thought children were mostly blank slates who quite easily fall under the influence of any sub-optimal child rearing practices – with the results being an anxious personality, depression, anti-social tendencies, neuroticism, short-sightedness – and all the resulting life dysfunction.

The first issue was so serious, that I wanted to be sure, in advance, that the person in question wouldn’t inflict any of the previously mentioned ailments through ‘sub-optimal’ child rearing.

Thus, the whole thing needed to be planned in advance. “Don’t just feel your way through and try to resolve problems as they arise– you must be sure!” Find the ideal person or you’re a monster!

I assumed most parents were probably as irritating and horrible as mine – so, I didn’t want to deal with the another person’s parents. Basically, I wanted them to have DEFOO’ed – like me. 

I also worried that giving up on these standards would mean an acceptance of the fact that I just had to find a “normal” girl and, in some instances, tell her what to do, what to think, how to behave, etc. My superior intellect and life experience would certainly create “power imbalances” and an emergent “hierarchy”. “That’s unhealthy! We have to be equals!”

I learned that number one was simply not true. I think this ultimately lead to a lowering of the stakes around the issue. I no longer feel the need to have this long term model as to how the relationship should start, proceed, and then end – due to fears about the resulting effects on a potential child. Although, I still have a general preference set. Of course, advocacy of violence and aggression towards potential children will not be accepted.  

Something about coming out explicitly against egalitarianism – the truth of its descriptive claims and the desirability of it’s objectives – began to change the way I thought about number three. Since hypergamy among women is such a common phenomenon, and obviously serves a function, why fight it? Why not embrace it to the extent that I can? I’m tired of waging a war on biology and reality.

Abandoning the ‘Tabula Rasa’ paradigm in conjunction with recognizing and rooting-out my own latent egalitarianism – I began to realize that my whole mindset as to the function of a romantic relationship had become totally abstracted from its biological realities and practical objectives. Basically, it was all a bunch of highly intellectualized bullshit that serves no function other than to support other intellectual pre-conclusions, i.e. - men and women are basically the same (blank slate)  and our relationships should be a meeting of peers (egalitarianism). It really is a revolt against nature. 

I’m think I’m coming to the conclusion that I do in fact want a romantic relationship – and that the theoretical girl in question probably should be the following things for the sake of longevity:

• Less intelligent than me
• Younger than me
• From a lower economic position 

Again, this plays into hypergamy. I’m an introverted 5’10” 24 year old guy living in China – and I’m Beta in most aspects. American women are basically off limits for me at this point, if not mostly undesirable, due to factors that range from: relationship expectations I consider largely “insane” to other fundamentals, such as their relative economic resilience in a highly cartelized State dominated service economy. I’ve covered this before…. but they don’t need a man – for now, so there’s no reason to stay with anyone. Get bored? Find a new one. Just look at the divorce stats – why should I invest time and energy in a relationship that’s highly likely to dissolve within…………stay focused…

I can’t play into hypergamy with most western girl – which I suspect is a serious problem for issues of longevity and stability – which is how the vast majority of (Beta) guys have gotten laid and reproduced in the past (feel free to rage against that for awhile) – so, I’m setting my sights on the developing world – specifically Eastern European and Russian girls. I think I’m going to try my hand at that once I get to Beijing. I think it might be easier than a Chinese girl for a variety of cultural reasons – as a bonus, her parents are probably dead or far far away. 

I digress, the point is that I don’t accept egalitarian ideals in relationships – in all likely hood I need to go in the exact opposite direction. On those issues where my expertise is clearly superior – I want to have authoritative power in the relationship – and I expect compliance and trust. Simultaneously, on those issues where the woman in question has some relative endowment – I’d respect her autonomy and ability. It’s an emergent calibrated hierarchy (rage against that one too while you’re at it).

So basically, I’ve gone from looking for a female version of myself (total equality!) – to a woman who just has some basic virtues like loyalty, patience, and humility. I need sex, companionship, and cooperation – not another one of the guys to intellectually masturbate with. In exchange, she gets access to the comfortable life and resources that my personality makes possible.

She doesn’t need to have totally DEFOO’ed, be actively journaling, doing IFS parts work, or reading economics or philosophy blogs.  Humility, intelligence, and general thoughtfulness will probably suffice. I’m now more willing to work through things and take everything day by day. 

As for the other issues on my initial list of concerns about romantic relationships, I think a lot of it would just be dealt with in course or before any significant relationship commitment has been made (moving in together, getting married, etc). Just the act of making it clear that I’m not giving anyone else’s family money – should suffice. I don’t think the kind of person who winds up with me will be the sort who doesn’t take the things I say seriously – I imagine that would be revealed early on.

It helps that I no longer accept the existence of of “healthy” or “unhealthy” relationships. There are just desirable and undesirable relationships. In addition, I’m no longer terribly bothered by the potential need to “parent” a romantic partner – its impractical and unreasonable to expect most of the women who find me attractive to have the same level of life experience and emotional restraint that I have. Some aspects of this potential relationship will, in some ways, resemble a father-daughter relationship. I’d also be putting her breasts in my mouth – does that make her my mother?

An American businessman was standing at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked. Inside the small boat were several large yellowfin tuna. The American complimented the Mexican on the quality of his fish.

“How long it took you to catch them?” The American asked.

“Only a little while.” The Mexican replied.

“Why don’t you stay out longer and catch more fish?” The American then asked.

Ok no major problem so far – the American is presupposing his goals in this line of inquiry: prosperity. It’s like saying, “Why don’t you tie your shoes?” I’m assuming you want to avoid tripping.

“I have enough to support my family’s immediate needs.” The Mexican said.

Well, that’s incredibly short-sighted. This is closer to the animalistic side of the time-horizons/conscientiousness scale. Is the fisherman aware of the large number of potential long term problems associated with this kind of thinking? If he isn’t - he’s stupid. If he is aware and he doesn’t care – considering that he has a family - he’s abusively negligent by any commonly accepted standard of prudence

“But,” The American then asked, “What do you do with the rest of your time?”

The Mexican fisherman said, “I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, take a siesta with my wife, Maria, stroll into the village each evening where I sip wine and play guitar with my amigos, I have a full and busy life, senor.”

I guess if your definition of spending quality time with your children primarily involves chasing them around in the street, this works. If it involves entertaining them, teaching them anything, or facilitating them to find their own interests and them helping them pursue them – that’s going to require more money.

As for siestas with the wife, that should probably stop until the current litter is well fed, clothed, and is medically insured. I see what they did here with the “sip” it implies he isn’t really a dysfunctional alcoholic. Really? He “sips” wine? More like he buys bottom shelf gin and mixes it with milk – LOOK IT UP.

How does this lifestyle not make him an immature douche bag by the standards of anyone forwarding this email thread? If an American man did this with Xbox, his bros, and YuengLing in Tampa – there would be article in the Wall Street Journal crying out in rage, “Where Have All The Good Men Gone?”

And finally, how does drinking and playing guitar qualify you as “busy”?

The American scoffed, “I am a Harvard MBA and could help you. You should spend more time fishing and with the proceeds you buy a bigger boat, and with the proceeds from the bigger boat you could buy several boats, eventually you would have a fleet of fishing boats.”

“Instead of selling your catch to a middleman you would sell directly to the consumers, eventually opening your own can factory. You would control the product, processing and distribution. You would need to leave this small coastal fishing village and move to Mexico City, then LA and eventually NYC where you will run your expanding enterprise.”

Hey man, stop forcing your bourgeois values down our throats. After we destroy civilization, we’ll finally be free of safety and comfort.

The Mexican fisherman asked, “But senor, how long will this all take?”

To which the American replied, “15-20 years.”

“But what then, senor?”

The American laughed and said, “That’s the best part. When the time is right you would announce an IPO (Initial Public Offering) and sell your company stock to the public and become very rich, you would make millions.”

“Millions, senor? Then what?”

The American said slowly, “Then you would retire. Move to a small coastal fishing village where you would sleep late, fish a little, play with your kids, take a siesta with your wife, stroll to the village in the evenings where you could sip wine and play your guitar with your amigos…”

And make sure that you never live in poverty….and you’re always comfortable….and you can travel….and you can pay for medical care….and you can go see friends….and you keep eating well….and one set back doesn’t destroy your life….and make sure your children are taken care of.

AND DO DRUGS. I SAID IT.

But, you know, who really cares about that stuff? He has the simple pleasures of not being aware that tomorrow exists – much like a toddler or a golden retriever – and isn’t that what we should all really aspire to?

An American businessman was standing at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village.

He had flown down from LA for the weekend with his son to introduce him to the company’s Mexican operations. They had finished up with the factory inspection and were wrapping up the trip with a couple of days at a resort.

“I met your mother here back in 82’ – I thought you’d enjoy, you know, a quick stop here before we head back.”

A small outboard-less boat with just one fisherman pulled up beside the dock. Inside the small boat were several large yellow fin tuna. The American complimented the Mexican on the quality of his fish in his broken gringo Spanish.

“How long it took you to catch them?” The American asked.

“Only a little while.” The Mexican replied.

“Why don’t you stay out longer and catch more fish? It’s only 1:30.” The American then asked.

“I have enough to support my family.” The Mexican said.

“Yeah…You don’t want to improve your business?”

The Mexican fisherman stared vacantly at the American Businessman.

“But…um…” still curious, but increasingly conscious of the awkward trajectory of the conversation, “What about the rainy season? Isn’t it dangerous to fish then?”

The Mexican fisherman said, “Sometimes. We think Juan went down by the reef about 6 KM out last year …during the rainy season. Didn’t see him again. My Father died diving for Lobster’s when I was 8. Came up too fast and couldn’t move. Didn’t make it back to the boat.”

The American cringed, “That’s horrible.”

The Mexican fisherman asked, “That’s how it is. He was a real son-of-a-bitch. Always getting drunk. Died without a cent to his name.”

The American attempted to change the subject, “Why don’t you try to fish more so you can afford a safer boat?”

“Yeah, one day.”

The American sighed and said, “You could at least borrow some money for a freezer so you can save up some fish for the rainy season - or even get it to market if you need the money for an emergency.”

The fisherman gave him a blank stare, “Then what? Freezers are expensive. Power goes out every week anyway.”

The American said slowly, “Uh-huh….why not move to Santiago? The infrastructure seems better over there. You’d be closer to market too.”

The Mexican Fisherman scowled back, “My family has always lived here!”

The American businessman, satisfied with his line of inquiry, caught a taxi back to the resort. That evening he had steak tacos and Don Julio Margarita’s with his son. Once back in the room - the son, being slightly inebriated, slipped on a light stream of water by the bathtub – proceeding to smash his skull against the marble sink causing a massive concussion. His father – being in the adjoining room – quickly called reception for a Helicopter Medivac – which was covered under his travel insurance.

$15,000 and one week later they were all pursuing their own ends on their own terms back in California – healthy and wealthy. The problems and memories of the fishing village, now just a late night drinking story.

The Fisherman’s wife has since left him for, once again, selling his most recent catch for booze money - which the wife had originally intended to use for new shoes for the fisherman’s four children. 

fructoric:

I recently came across DontMoveToChina.com while reading some China-based expat blogs. Although I would not triumph China as an ideal destination for all expats, I think parts of his arguments are wrong or dismissible. There is also quite a bit of popular bias in his post, but since those…

When I first began seriously articulating the case for moving to China to a few people (primarily a few friends and my ex) about 3 years ago one of the most important reasons I brought up, and to some extent continue to bring up, was the capacity to save money. At the time, I viewed it as a self evident truth that I, and others, should prudently seek to save money for building a prosperous and comfortable future. After all, if you don’t save money - how can you guarantee access to good health care, a nice neighborhood, high quality food, and the heavy expenses associated with potential children.

Even during my time spent in the US between college and China - I was really focused on saving money. Between July and November of 2010 I worked between 40 and 60 hours a week between two jobs - savings quite a bit while living with my grandmother. Although the work, especially in the dish room, was disgusting, hot, and required association with people I generally refer to as “shitty” - I had a girl friend and a post-college plan in mind. I needed the money for “our future” - getting to China and establishing our post-college family-independent middle class lifestyle on the other side of the world. I knew we would need not just visas and plane tickets - but all the expenses associate with relocation and starting up a new household would have to be dealt with as well. So, I washed dishes at $10 an hour until the skin on my hands peeled off.

Then my relationship was ended abruptly by the other party - I continued to work my two jobs for about 3 or 4 weeks after that - pretty soon I lost my work ethic and retreated to Panama for a few months to do nothing. I screwed around down there for awhile, realized that I didn’t want to have my parents in my life, and then came back to the US to prepare for the move to China.

Anyway, even upon arrival here in March 2010 I was still pretty focused on working and saving money. My second semester I negotiated a raise and increased hours - 39 classes a week - highly irregular for an English teaching gig in China - some months I earned almost 10,000 RMB ($1,500) in a city where it costs no more than 2,000 a month to live nearly as comfortably as possible. I didn’t mind - I did my work, I went home, I drank, and then I fell asleep.

I made projections about my net worth upon contract completion. It now seems like I might miss those early projections by 10-20% on the low side. I feel my spending preferences changing. First class train tickets? Why the hell not? Take a ferry to South Korea to see Judas Priest? Fuck yeah.

This is significant for me because for the longest time I was extremely frugal - fretting over buying a 50 RMB ($7) draft Hoegaarden at a bar. I pinched pennies and worried about where my money was going - to be clear I still pay attention to those kinds of things - I’m just getting less cost conscious. The basic idea is, that, while I’m still aware of my financial trajectory - there has been a significant change in how I behave and feel in regards to spending money.

When pondering a purchase, I think to myself - “Why do I need this money? This purchase will make me happy RIGHT NOW. Numbers in my bank account or investing – while comfortable – is quite boring.”

I read an article about a Chinese guy who lives in Beijing. Although his salary is low compared to mine, he has saved over 20,000 RMB - a small fortune to a young Chinese guy. He’s so frugal that he won’t pay 2 RMB to use the subway, instead, he pays .40 RMB with his public transit card to ride the city bus all over the city. When asked why he wants to save money he responded with something to the effect of, “I am saving money to buy a house. A house is a fixed asset so it won’t go down in value.”

Despite his general ignorance, the guy - like most guys in relationships, has a savings objective: buy a house to secure a wife. If its not a house, its a car, furniture, a wedding ring, or other durable goods - like refrigerators and washing machines. These Chinese guys really want to save money because they really want to get married - or are already in a relationship with a girl they intend to marry or are pressured into marrying.

I don’t have any of those savings incentives. My only savings incentive is to make sure I can afford emergency surgery or potentially longer term health care costs - but the Beijing International PuHua Clinic says I’m in good shape - so I’m not even worried about that at the moment. I’ve already traveled the world and I’m “over it” - so all I have to do is stay comfortable and indulge my hobbies - like concert tourism, gaming, and cycling.

Its obvious that being in a relationship changes what a man is willing to do both in terms of hours worked and the difficulty of the work. Going on three years of bachelorhood, two in China, despite my best intentions, I feel like I’m slowly but surely drifting towards this lifestyle:

I now believe and comprehend on a personal level some of what the MRA and gender commentators have written about marriage or its rough equivalent - a sexual relationship with a woman leading towards children - it gives men a reason to work at 100% capacity - like the 50 hours a week I was working for awhile in 2009. Without that incentive though, I’m just going to keep chilling on Brian’s couch drinking beer and watching movies.

Life is hard.

This is my public mea culpa. I’ve done most of these things. I try not to anymore.

• “Violence is Only For Self Defense”

  • What about people who obstruct you and won’t listen to reason? The best example is people who protest and block roads. Bring out the tear gas.

  • ….or people who take your property? If someone tries to take your wallet and you shoot them dead – was that really self defense? I say no, but I’m also accepting of killing people who violate my property norms.

• “The State is Violence”

  • Not really. The State uses violences on the margin as its agents deem necessary to prevent secession (Waco) or enforce its edicts. The State is the monopoly on violence in a huge area claimed by fiat – i.e. not the way the rest of us agree to acquire property.

• “You Can’t Go Into the State to Improve General Liberty”

  • What did Deng Xiao Ping do then?

• “Lets Moralize.”

  • This is already falling out of style I think. The new hip thing is psychologizing.

• “Well, failing that, we’ll Psychologize and call things “Healthy” and “Unhealthy”!

  • Healthy or Unhealthy by what standard? By calling things healthy or unhealthy you’re presupposing a standard or goal – which is nearly never established except as vague references to “happiness” and by ignoring the fact that different things make different people happy for different reasons.

  • People also have different time preferences. Life isn’t a fairy tale and we’re not all marching to a glorious future filled with pots of gold and rainbows. For some people, like drug addicts, present happiness is extremely important. Pontification about abstract future happiness is pointless to people with short time horizons or time preferences.

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  • Healthy/Unhealthy can be used more objectively with health – we can empirically verify whether the human body is changing from the, generally speaking, ideal state - by measuring enzyme levels, blood pressure, bone density, etc. Nothing like this can be done with the human brain as far as I know.

• “Psychoanalysis!”

  • Again, I’m pretty sure its useless to do this with other people. We just lack the knowledge necessary to make claims of any significance. Practice psychoanalysis with yourself or people who give you personal insights and ask for the analysis from you.

• “Parenting Constructs Our Primary Personality Characteristics.”

  • Apparently there is a large and growing body of evidence that refutes this. This isn’t to say that major trauma, such as rape or severe beatings, has no effect. I’m not suggesting that.

• Race/Gender Egalitarianism

  • “Evolution stopped at the neck!”/ “Race is a social construct!” / “Gender differences are a social construct!”

    • This seems like it was brought into Libertarianism from pre-Libertarian indoctrination and baggage. Most are accepting of the idea that we’re all unique flowers. Suggest that differences exist beyond individuals and extend to racial populations – now you’re just being a Crypto White Nationalist Nazi Sympathizing Holocaust Denier.

• The Utility of Emotional Vulnerability

  • Emotional vulnerability, or - “feeling and expressing your feelings”, is only useful to the extent that MEN don’t have to do extremely difficult things to survive. Emotional vulnerability is a luxury afforded to wealthy women (and some men) in the first world – the rest of the world has to bury feelings to survive. Emotional vulnerability will gain more utility after men don’t have to mine coal and travel far away from home to make money. Resolve and Emotional Disassociation are extremely important and valuable to those ends.

  • Emotional Vulnerability may be gaining utility as the world becomes *nicer*– as I myself am doing better with it – but its not always utilitous.

• “All Soldiers Are Murderous Criminals and Are To Be Condemned”

  • Historically, SOME warriors have served an extremely productive and important role. Before capital intensification brought previously incomprehensible levels of wealth and production to the world, humans often had to kill each other for access to fresh water or hunting rights. If there simply isn’t enough for everyone, and the costs of warfare are lower and the benefits are higher than trading – another tribe will come to take what you have – or one’s tribe may have to kill another tribe for access to the resources in question. Strong violent men are needed to kill any one who threatens the welfare of their community (women, children, the old). I view this as somewhat noble and distinct from the State Soldier – such as Americans in Vietnam or Soviets in Afghanistan.

• The Idealization of Childhood Characteristics

  • Its obvious children don’t meet our social ideals of what we want a person to be: responsible, conscientious, restrained, etc. Good parenting ideally will lead children away from their impulsive unrestrained nature – where they learn the importance of brushing teeth, considering what other people need, and not consuming huge quantities of sugar all day long.

• Environmentalism Smuggled In Through the Back Door

  • Fundamentally, economy and capital intensification are so closely linked with Libertarianism for me that its difficult for me to understand how it isn’t the case with other Libertarians. The Objectivsts are way better about this, as Rand has a huge fetish for steel and industry - as it represents man’s triumph over his dangerous natural environment.

  • Libertarians who are either indifferent or express hostility towards industry and civilization (cities) confuse me. People who idealize a sunset yet see nothing but a bunch of metal and concrete when they look at a power plant. A deep respect and appreciation for nature – no respect or appreciation for steel mills and microprocessors – the things that make their lives comfortable, safe and entertaining. They take industry for granted - hiking around in the mountains is only NOT incredibly dangerous because of the forged metal equipment (knives, safety pins, hiking poles) in your backpack, computer devices (GPS, Cellphone) and petroleum products all over your body (Vaseline, polyester jacket, Ziploc bags). Idealize the simple and base – ignore the grand and glorious – just like most people’s aesthetics.

  • What value does the environment have if not for our most valued industrial applications? When Daniel Mackler or someone like him talks about the inherent virtue of the environment, how we’re hurting the planet, or some other environmentalist nonsense – I face palm that he is even loosely associated with Libertarianism. Life is good because the environment has been conquered by industry – not in spite of industry. Its only through industry that we can enjoy the limited entertainment of natural scenery. I say limited because nature isn’t that entertaining after its novelty wears off. Spend a few days in the mountains. Record how many days it takes before you don’t care how beautiful the sun rising over the morning mist is. My guess is that it takes about 3-4 days for the average person to be bored and crave civilization. That only industry can provide enough resources for us - and that only industry is capable of keeping the environment clean for use - is obvious to anyone who can think.

Don’t Try to Join Chinese Society:

Joining Chinese society is a huge mistake. There is no way you’ll ever understand the inner-workings of the interpersonal politics. Its a cold war of all against all. Imagine the drama of a family reunion - now amplified with economic interests running 365 days a year. Walking this tight rope is probably impossible and I have no idea why you would want to in the first place. Managing the expectations of your wife, her family, your family, your friends, her friends, her employer, your employer, etc - is a recipe for disaster. There are no boundaries in Chinese relationships - its all or nothing- your wife’s boss can call you at 2AM for *SOMETHING* if he/she thinks you owe her something - and everyone else will think this is reasonable. Do yourself a favor, stay aloof on the fringe of society. Enjoy your free time and live as you see fit. The alternative is living in an incomprehensible matrix of obligations and unspoken agreements with dishonest people you barely know.

Don’t Associate With Chinese People Socially:

This is similar to the first rule. Why do you think Chinese people form enclaves all over the world? Chinese and Anglo-Europeans can get along *pretty well* for business and all things economic. Socially, however, we do NOT mix. Its like oil and water. Its like trying to hang out with your grandma and her friends - they have no idea what you’re talking about - and everything they say you find boring and trite. To be fair, people from Hong Kong and Taiwan are cooler than the mainlanders - and I’m not talking about the ABCs - but the mainlanders are often socially retarded. Not only are most hang outs extremely awkward - no one ever knows what to talk about - but mainlanders are rather boring and uninspired. Everything is novel to them and they’re easily entertained. A 12 pack of hot 3.1% beer and some shrimp crackers will entertain them. If you *REALLY * want to party, you can go get some water melon and talk about Korean pop stars.

You have nothing in common - you won’t have anything in common - and the foundation of gratifying social communication - the shared cultural ether - is totally absent. It just doesn’t work unless you are desperate for attention and have no standards.

Learn Functional Chinese:

Don’t take the apprehension of Chinese to be some kind of moral commandment – a task which inherently adds virtue and goodness to your person. Americans are generally really pretentious about learning foreign languages and like to brag about how many they have studied or can (can’t) speak.

Anyway, I recommend chilling the fuck out about learning Chinese. Take it a day at a time. Use some audio programs. Study some characters. Try to practice what you know and listen to what other people are saying. It takes time – a little bit everyday is the way to go.

Learn to Use TaoBao:

TaoBao is salvation incarnate. Through TaoBao all things are possible. TaoBao is the light and the way. If you don’t learn to use TaoBao you’re going to pay through the nose for everything imported and rare. I buy Jameson for 100 RMB. Expect to pay up to 200 RMB at retail.

Have a Strong Ego:

Living here presents challenges to who you are, who you thought you were, and who you think you will become. Early on in your life here, every day tasks can be extremely challenging and cause a great deal of frustration and anxiety.

“I TOLD HIM TO COME FIX MY SINK AT 4! WE AGREED AND HE GAVE ME HIS CARD! HE SAID HE WOULD COME!! AHHHAHHAH!?”

As tempting as it is to lose your mind - because it feels like things are being made unnecessarily difficult for you by the incompetence and lies of normal people - one must be able to calm down and plan accordingly. As others consistently fail to meet, what you perceive are their obligations to you, you must be able to step up and take care of many things yourself.

You thought your land lord was going to fix the toilet? Go down to the hardware store and do it yourself. You thought the post office would call you after the package you told them about arrived? No. Go look through the mail pile yourself. You thought the guy at the hotel might help you call a taxi after you sprained your ankle? No. Limp along the side of the road by yourself. You thought the local doctor would quote you an accurate price for a routine procedure? No. Go to an international clinic.

You have to rely on yourself and there is often the sense that, “No one gives a fuck about me.” Often no one can or is wiling to help you – alone in a strange foreign situation with a language barrier – that can break most people.

Live in Huge International City:

Unless you can speak Chinese, this is basically a prerequisite for anything remotely long term. This has been pretty well addressed - but outside of the international cities you won’t find: real western food, imported food products, real hospitals, anyone who speaks English, other expats, intelligent/interesting/competent Chinese people, etc.

Have a Therapeutic Method:

When it feels like China is going to destroy you - you must have some method of calming down and refocusing. Having gone through this phase - I can say that most of the problems are YOU - not China. The rest can be mitigated and dealt with. Your inability and unwillingness to learn how to improve the situation or get things done in a more efficient manner is responsible for most of the problems you’re currently facing.

Don’t Expect the Chinese to be Something They’re Not:

Expecting a post-Communist society to be full of remarkably deep, sophisticated, and interesting people is ridiculous. They’re basically relearning how to be a civilization and how to be people. So yes - they’re remarkably similar, they lack identity and will, they seem desperate and confused. So what? Come to China for the economy and personal independence - not to meet lots of interesting Chinese people. They’re not going to hurt you like various ethic groups in the US - and if you’re in a bind they might help you with something, the more intuitive young ones anyway - so why does it matter? Hang out with expats. If you just have to be constantly surrounded by “interesting” and “deep” single serving friends - move to New York and live in poverty. You can be free-spirited individualists thinking independently about everything except your future.

Don’t Get Involved With A Domestically Born Chinese Girl:

This will be an unpopular thing to say, but nearly to the person - every guy who marries a Chinese girl winds up being a castrated feudal servant of the girl’s family. This has been said many times but it needs to be said again, you aren’t marrying her - you’re marrying her family. Like all children, she is a means to her parents ends - the difference is she is less likely than a Western girl to rebel against this role in any fashion at all.

She may say all kinds of cool things about how she wants to go live in your home country or how her parents will just come to visit on Spring Festival - but it doesn’t happen. Her parents will soon be living with you and any attempt to take her out of the country will be short lived - she will drag you back soon, especially if a baby is due soon. Her parents have to raise it, after all.

Read the News So You Remember What’s Going on in the West:

There’s a reason the smart (perhaps otherwise unemployable) people are moving to Asia - unless you live in a select handful of countries - the West is a mess. American cities are extremely dangerous, real unemployment is at all time record highs for young people, because of all the deflation the cost of living continues to rise, and, especially, the American way of life is showing itself to be less and less viable every day - I’m referring primarily to suburban sprawl - which was irritating in “good” times - and will be a tomb of isolation in bad times.

Understanding why savings are necessary for a happy and free life seems to escape most people - Libertarians included. I’m pretty sure I’d rather live in Huludao for the rest of my life than return to the US for anything less than $70,000 a year. Once you leave the disaster known as life in the US - it becomes pretty obvious how much of it was totally wasteful and pointless - the necessity of owning a car and paying for car insurance alone can be your financial death knell - not to mention gasoline, income taxes, the extremely high cost of living, and insanely expensive medical insurance.

There will be no recovery in the US. The country has been largely de-industrialized - nearly everyone works for the State directly or indirectly. The largest employers are the Post Office and the Department of Defense. Everyone else works in Financial Services, Real Estate, Banking, and Insurance. Here’s a clue guys: when the banks fail again - those industries based on the trading of nearly worthless assets won’t need many frat boys to man the trading desks anymore. These bloated bubble industries are all the US has left and account for the vast majority of GDP - not agriculture, not mining, not manufacturing - the creation and trading of derivatives and financial products comprises the remnants of the US economy. When it all implodes what is everyone going to do? No one farms and there aren’t any factories to go to work in. There’s no capital. You’ve been de-capitalized and your credit card is about to get declined.